


The Truth Not Considered

by soverysesual



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s05e07 Emily, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 11:33:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6983227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soverysesual/pseuds/soverysesual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The journey ahead promising no more than my past reflected back upon me, until at last I reach the end, facing a truth I could no longer deny. Alone, as ever."<br/>Following Emily’s funeral, Scully considers Mulder’s role in her life.</p>
<p>Post-"Emily" with reference to "Christmas Carol" and "Redux II"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth Not Considered

**Author's Note:**

> I’m really attached to the Emily episodes/story-line. Pieces of this story have been stuck in my head for months, and I’ve finally put it together into something cohesive. It’s mostly just a lot of fluff, and a lot of it is just my attempt to reconcile what happened with Emily in light of the cancer arc. 
> 
> This also ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated. 
> 
> Enjoy. :)

Sand.

Sand would be the thing that would finally break her, after days of quiet mourning and a tearful stoicism.

She watched her hand start to shake as she clutched the golden cross in her fingertips. She could taste the tears she didn’t realize she was shedding as they touched her lips. She felt Mulder move closer to her, desperate to comfort her, but still keeping a careful distance.

She turned towards him and a sob escaped her throat, and she finally let him hold her. She cried into his chest and wrapped her arms around him, the beautiful bouquet of flowers still in her one hand, the necklace in the other. He rubbed her back and placed soft kisses into her hair, and she continued to cry.

_What we must look like to a stranger_ , she wondered. A stranger would probably assume that they were the parents, mourning the loss of a child gone too soon. Scully cried a little harder, an anger piercing her soul, thinking about how that assumption was only technically half right. They were mourning the loss of this little girl, but they weren’t Emily’s parents, no matter how hard she hoped and prayed.

Scully had barely known the little girl who was biologically hers, who looked so much like Melissa that it hurt her heart, whose chubby cheeks and shy smile and lifted Scully out of a melancholy that had lingered since her cancer and the discovery of her infertility, who had been able to give Scully a little bit of hope in the idea that she could actually be a mother to someone.

_And Mulder?_ She sighed, not quite knowing what to think. He had flown across the country for her, and he was here for her now. At first, he had been angry at her for putting herself in such a vulnerable position, and was scared for her. But he had also been there at every step, had not stopped looking for a cure through it all, had advocated for her to the judge even if it meant potentially losing her as his partner.

She wondered what role he would have stepped into had things not taken their usual, tragic turn. She wondered if he would have been there for her, for both of them, if she had ended up leaving their quest for the truth so that she could raise Emily.

One she finally felt herself calm down, she pulled back a little from Mulder and looked up at him. As he tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear, she couldn’t help but notice his eyes were red and his cheeks were tear-stained. Her heart broke as she realized that he had been crying, too. As they made their way out of the church, with the flowers still in her hand and his arm around her shoulder, she wondered if maybe the stranger she had imagined might be on to something.

—-

_Though she had said it aloud to her family, she still couldn’t quite believe it. Emily was her daughter. Not Melissa’s, despite the jarring resemblance. She also didn’t understand how it was even possible, but then again, she didn’t understand how her cancer had mysteriously disappeared after simply placing a metal chip back in her neck. Nothing ever really made sense anymore._

_She knew, however, that she needed the one person who could at least try make some sense of it._

_“I have to make a phone call,” she said, without even realizing it, and made her way up the stairs her bedroom. Shaking, she looked around for her cellphone, not realizing that her mother had followed her. Scully hesitated as she dialed the number, and shook her head and hung up._

_“I can’t. Not on Christmas. I can’t ruin Christmas,” she whispered to herself. She jumped a little when her mother stepped towards her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder._

_“Call him, Dana. He’d want to know.”_

_Scully raised an eyebrow, confused as to how her mother knew what she was thinking, but nodded, knowing she was right. Maggie gave her a quick hug, and then let her have her privacy._

_After a few deep breaths, she dialed the number she knew by heart._

—-

“Mulder?”

“Hmm?”

“Instead of going back to Bill’s, I need to do something. Do you think you can take me to the ocean?” She asked, as he opened her car door for her outside of the church.

“Of course, Scully.”

It didn’t take long to get to the beach, as it was one near the naval base, one that she remembered going to with her brothers and sister frequently when they were kids.

They found the most secluded area of the beach, which wasn’t difficult to find, since it was a cool evening, and even cooler on the beach. They made their way towards the water and stopped short of the the incoming waves. Mulder held back as Scully kicked off her shoes and stepped slowly into the edge of the water.

He watched her as she smelled the bouquet of flowers. Then she carefully undid the silky ribbon, and slowly spread the flowers out into the water. She didn’t move for a few moments, as she clutched the ribbon in her and and watched the ebb and flow of the waves slowly take the flowers away and inch their way out to sea. She tried not to think about the sand in her toes, and how that’s all that was really left of Emily now. She said a few more silent prayers to distract herself, this time not just for her daughter, but for Ahab and Melissa as well.

When the numbness from her sadness turned into numbness from the cold of the sea, Scully made her way back up the beach to Mulder. She gave him a soft smile as she stood in front of him, and then looked down at her hands, which were still playing with the beautiful white ribbon.

“We buried dad at sea,” she explained. Mulder nodded, remembering the story from several years ago. “I figured if I didn’t get to really bury her or spread her ashes…” She didn’t know how to finish the thought, but she didn’t need to because he understood. Scully shivered and he rubbed her arms. She turned back towards the water to watch the flowers float away some more, and he embraced her as he watched with her. They stood like that for a while until the sun began to set on them.

“Ok,” she whispered quietly. “Let’s go home.”

—-

_“Mulder it’s-”_

_“Scully!!” He shouted into the phone with a childish excitement that she hadn’t heard since before the cancer. “Guys, it’s Scully! Wish her a Merry Christmas!”_

_And suddenly the phone was loud with the voices of the Lone Gunmen. Langly yelled a few tidings from across the room, Byers simply told Mulder to wish her a happy holiday, and Frohike was sing-shouting “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” loudly and off-key. Even though she was panicking, she couldn’t help but smile, and felt even more guilty as she realized that she was interrupting their celebration. She thanked them all and Mulder turned off speakerphone and returned to the call._

_“Merry Christmas, Scully,” he muttered sweetly, and she could almost hear him grinning over the phone. She felt herself start to get choked up as she started to wonder if calling had been mistake._

_“Merry Christmas, Mulder,” she responded, trying and failing to keep her voice level. She could hear in the background the voices of their friends face, and then a door close._

_“What’s wrong?” he asked, immediately. She sighed, almost hating that he knew her so well._

_“Nothing’s wrong, Mulder, I’m fine. Go back to enjoying your party. I can call you tomorrow.”_

_“Something’s wrong, I can hear it in your voice.”_

_She took another deep breath and then decided that she couldn’t put on a brave face anymore. She had felt so lost in the past week, yet hearing his voice again finally started to give her a little bit of comfort and clarity. She didn’t want to depend on him this much, but she had no choice._

_“Scully?” He sounded worried, and she suddenly realized that he probably thought she was sick again._

_“I’m okay, but something happened. I- I can’t explain it, but somehow…” She paused as she tried to figure out how to best phrase it. Finally, she decided it was better to just come out and say it. “There’s a little girl here in San Diego, Mulder, and I don’t understand it, but she’s… biologically… she’s my daughter.”_

_The line was quiet for a few moments; all she could hear was his breathing._

_“How?”_

_“I have no idea, aside from what I assume must be something that happened during my abduction, but she’s mine, Mulder. The DNA is a perfect match.” Scully explained what had transpired over the past few days, and Mulder listened intently. He was the first person she’d talked to about this who hadn’t tried to fight her on it being true, hadn’t discounted the connection she felt towards the little girl, and she felt relieved that someone finally believed what she was saying._

_“I’m coming out there. I’ll call and book a flight right now.” He sounded worried and a little more upset than she expected him to be. He sounded like he knew something she didn’t._

_“I can’t ask you to do that.” But him being there was exactly what she wanted, what she needed._

_“Yes, you can,” he stated bluntly, as if it was the end of the argument. “I’ll have Gunmen see if they can find the surrogate, or whatever they can find. We’ll figure this out, okay? And I’ll be there right away.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Good,” he replied. She felt herself finally breathe. He was coming. Everything was going to be okay._

_“So,” he said, with a hint of a smile in his voice. “Tell me everything about her.”_

_And Scully smiled, excited to share everything about her daughter with him._

—-

Maggie couldn’t help but pace the living room as she waited for Dana and Fox to return to the house. She knew she was probably worried over nothing, but it was starting to get dark, and with everything that had transpired over the holidays, she had a hard time not worrying about her only daughter.

“Did he get lost or something?” Bill muttered angrily under his breath, as he peaked out the window, also worried about his sister. Maggie frowned at him.

“Stop it. Dana probably just wanted some space away from the house and from the baby for a while. And I’m sure Fox is taking care of her just fine,” Maggie scolded him, tired of her son’s blinding hatred towards her daughter’s partner and friend. She knew Fox was a good man, and that he would do anything for Dana. She was also sure that her daughter was in love with the man.

Bill sighed. “Sorry, mom. I just worry.”

“We all do. But go easy on him. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon, trust me.” Maggie gave him a look and he frowned but acquiesced.

“You’re right.” He hugged Maggie as made his way to the kitchen, tired of watching her pace.

A while later, Maggie heard a car pull up and saw headlights outside. She watched through the window as Mulder opened the passenger door and lifted her sleeping daughter out of the car. Maggie rushed to the front door to let them in.

“Sorry we took so long, she wanted to go to the ocean,” he whispered to Maggie as he made his way into the house.

“Ah, I should’ve guessed,” she whispered back, understanding exactly what her daughter had wanted to do. She led him up the stairs to Dana’s room, and stood by as he carried her to the bed.

“Scully, do you wanna change or do you just want to sleep?” He whispered as he said her down. She mumbled something like sounded like “sleep”, so he carefully helped her out of her coat.

“Let’s get the sand off your feet before you go under the covers, okay?” He carefully sat on the bed with her legs in his lap and asked Maggie for a washcloth. She returned quickly with one and handed it to him. While he tried to get the sand off without waking her, Maggie laid out some pajamas on the bed next to her.

Once Dana was settled under the covers, Maggie and Mulder made their way downstairs.

“I’ll heat you up some leftovers, you must be starving,” she said as she led him into the kitchen, where Bill was drinking a beer and reading the newspaper.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that Mrs. Scully. I should be heading back to hotel anyways,” Mulder said, not wanting to intrude, especially with Bill hanging around.

“Nonsense. Sit,” Maggie ordered, pulling out a chair for him. Not wanting to be rude, he nodded and took a seat. He made some awkward eye contact with Bill, who raised an eyebrow, then turned back to his paper.

“Want a beer?” Bill asked, not looking up from whatever he was reading.

“I’m okay, but thanks,” Mulder replied and Bill shrugged.

“Fox, you should stay here tonight. It’s getting quite late and it’s been such a long day,” Maggie suggested as she set a plate of food in front of him.

“I couldn’t. It’s really not that far to my hotel…” he tried to refuse, but Maggie gave him a look and shook her head.

“Stay,” she said while placing a hand on his shoulder. A chuckle came from Bill’s end of the table.

“Looks like you’re stuck here,” Bill laughed, folding the paper up and finishing his beer. He stood up to make his way out of the kitchen. “I’ll set up the sofa bed for you. Hopefully Matthew doesn’t keep you up.”

Mulder couldn’t help but notice that Bill seemed a little to pleased at Mulder’s impending night of discomfort on a tiny sofa-bed, but thanked him for accommodating him.

Maggie smiled sweetly at Mulder as she sat down next to him with a cup of tea.

“Thank you for taking care of my daughter, and for trying to save that little girl,” she said earnestly. Mulder smiled at her and shook his head.

“Of course. I never had a second thought about it. Though Scully would kill me if I didn’t acknowledge that’s she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

Maggie chucked and squeezed Mulder’s hand. “You’re right, she’s a tough cookie, that one. I think sometimes she forgets that she can depend on others.”

They were quiet for a few moments while Mulder finished his food.

“But,” she continued. “I’m glad she doesn’t have to go through this alone.”

“Never,” he promised.

—-

Scully woke up disoriented, still in her clothes and not quiet remembering how she got there. She remembered falling asleep in the car and assumed Mulder must’ve carried her in. Looking over at the pajamas neatly folded next to her, she realized her mom must’ve been worried about her.

She changed into the pjs and felt a great deal more comfortable, but also wide awake. Deciding that she could use some tea to help her relax, she made her way downstairs.

A loud snore from the living room startled her as she descended the steps, and she quietly laughed as she realized that her mother must’ve forced Mulder to stay the night. He was curled up awkwardly on the uncomfortable sofa-bed, not quite fitting his long legs easily in the bed.

She made a mug of tea, then decided to sit next to him while she finished it. She lifted the corner of the blanket carefully and slid under it next to him, sitting up against the back of the couch in what was usually her spot. While she tried to get comfortable under the blanket, her feet accidentally brushed against his shin, and he stirred.

“Cold toes,” he muttered sleepily, his eyes still closed.

“Sorry, Mulder,” she chuckled apologetically. She started to pull her feet away but he shook his head slightly and captured them between his calves, and she smiled.

“What time is it?” He tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes, but she grabbed his hand to stop him.

“Go back to sleep, it’s very early. I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered. He frowned up at her.

“What’s wrong? Why are you awake?”

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s probably because I fell asleep so early.”

He hummed in satisfaction with her answer, relieved that she seemed to be alright, and reached across her to tuck the blanket around her legs. They stayed like that for awhile; still holding hands, the mug of tea in her free hand, her feet still warming up under his legs. It was certainly more intimate than they had ever been with each other, but it didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, it felt quite the opposite.

Maybe it was their natural progression after everything that had happened in the past year. She’d be lying if she said she did’t still feel the ghost of his lips on her cheek after all this time from when she had been in the hospital, when they were both afraid of the unspoken possibility that she wasn’t going to survive, and that he wasn’t going to make it out of the hearing.

Mulder was about to fall back to sleep when she spoke up.

“I did try to call you sooner,” she admitted quietly. It took him a minute to figure out what she was talking about, and then he remembered what he said to her when he’d arrived to San Diego.

“When?”

“Just before Christmas, right after I saw her for the first time. I called but… I didn’t know what to say.” Mulder nodded, remembering picking up the phone and hearing nothing.

“Scully-” he started, trying to tell her to forget about it, but she cut him off, reading his mind.

“No. You were right. I should’ve called you right away. I mean, after everything we’ve been though?” She shook her head in frustration with herself. “It wasn’t fair to you, and it wasn’t fair to me. I needed you, and I ignored my instincts. And maybe… maybe we would’ve been able to save her or… something.”

He pulled his hand from her grasp and lifted it to her face, like he had done so many years ago when her father had died.

“You don’t know that,” he whispered. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, trying to hold back tears again. She knew he was right, that there was nothing more they could’ve done at the end of the day. A tear slipped out, and he wiped it away, and she brought her hand up against his.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “Thank you for coming here and for everything.”

He brought her hand to his lips and sweetly kissed her knuckles.

“Always,” he whispered.

—-

It was Bill’s night to take care of the crying baby. Once the newborn was settled back to sleep, he realized he himself wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon, and decided to make some coffee and just start the day a little earlier than planned.

Bill froze at the top of the stairs when he noticed an additional figure on the sofa-bed than he expected. He frowned as he observed the scene in front of him: his sister was sitting up, her head resting in an awkward position as she dozed, the mug of tea precariously balanced in one of her hands, while Mulder held her other hand grasped between both of his, as if he was clinging to her for dear life.

He wasn’t particularly happy with this, but Dana had been through so much over the past few days, that if she managed to find some sort of comfort from her strange partner, he was going to have to accept it.

Bill moved closer to where Scully was sleeping and took the mug out of her hand before it spilled. Then he tried to ease her into a more comfortable position, once again impressed by how she could fall asleep anywhere.

“Dana, lie down,” he whispered as he carefully lifted the blanket for her to slide more comfortably under it. She groaned in protest at being told to do something while she was trying to sleep, but followed his orders and got more comfortable. Bill tried not to be annoyed as he watched the pair naturally and unconsciously move closer together, like magnets. He made his way to the kitchen shaking his head and wondering when these two were going to figure out their feelings for each other already.

—-

She woke to the smell of bacon and the realization that she was tucked comfortably next to Mulder. Had she not been so exhausted by everything that had transpired in the past week, she might have been more concerned about such a compromising position. But instead she decided to indulge in the comfort of having him this close.

Plus, she couldn’t wait to see the look of horror on her brother’s face during breakfast, for it was inevitable that he had noticed his sister curled up with the man he despised.

Scully remained cozy next to Mulder, whose arm had ended up around her at some point. Her feet were also definitely no longer as icy cold as they had been when she had first crawled in next to him, as they were still tucked between his calves. She had somehow ended up using his chest as a pillow, probably for lack of her own, and she couldn’t help but breathe him in, feeling more at ease than she had felt in years.

After a bit of time and as the smell of breakfast intensified, she could heard her stomach start to growl, and soon it was loud enough to wake up her sleepy partner.

“Hungry, Scully?” he muttered, still mostly asleep.

“There’s bacon, Mulder,” she whined, but made no attempt to get up. He groaned.

“Five more minutes,” he begged and she laughed as she cuddled closer to him.

“Fine,” she whispered, looking up at him. He had already fallen back to sleep, but a ghost of a smile graced his lips, and she smiled in return.

Reflecting on everything that had happened in the past week, she realized that she had been pushing Mulder away at every point, had told herself that she must be destined for this life of solitude that had come as a consequence of her abduction, her chance at bearing a child stolen from her by men who cared little for human life.

_Alone, as ever,_ she had told herself.

It was true she would probably never again have the chance to be a mother. The pain of that truth would rest uneasily in her heart for the rest of her life, and she was just only now beginning to understand it.

But as she looked at the man sleeping next to her, she realized that she had not considered this.

She knew, deep in her heart, that he was always going to be by her side. He had been ready from the moment she had called him to step into whatever role she had needed him to be in. She also knew, and it broke her heart when she imagined it, that he would’ve been the perfect father to Emily.

Because that was inevitably the role he would’ve ended up in; she’d be lying to herself if she tried to think otherwise.

She also knew that, even though they still hadn’t quite figured out what role they now played in each other’s lives, that she would never be truly alone, that he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. And she wasn’t going anywhere either.


End file.
